The New-Normal Demographic: Unmarried Twentysomethings
October 4, 2011 - Men who won’t grow up. Extended adolescence. Adultolescence. Arrested development. There are many ways to describe the fact that it is taking young adults – especially men – longer to “launch” in life.
Back in February, I was finishing the manuscript for You Lost Me. I came across the Wall Street Journal article Where Have All The Good Men Gone? Written by Kay Hymowitz. a Fellow at the Manhattan Institute, the piece underscores how the lives of young men and women have changed dramatically over the last 40 years, what she calls a “major demographic event.” The changes are startling:
- Educated women. Women are now completing college at higher rates than men. About one-third of women age 25 to 34 have bachelor’s degrees, compared to roughly one-quarter of men. That’s much different than the college completion rates of previous generations.
- Not married by 30. The percentage of twentysomethings who do not marry until 30 or older has roughly tripled in the last forty years. In the 1970s, more than four out of five Americans were married by age 30. Now, a majority of twentysomethings remains unmarried.
- The global pause on marriage. The average age at first marriage is being delayed, among both men and women, going from the early twenties to late twenties. Americans are not alone; this trend cuts across many developed countries. Example: the average Danish resident does not marry until his mid-thirties (among men) or early thirties (among women).
Beyond the data, the social response to this WSJ article is astounding. It generated more than 125,000 Facebook “likes.” I think that shows people are searching for ways to understand and adapt to the “demographic event” that is replacing twentsomething marriages with urban, digital tribes of unmarried adults.
For faith and business leaders, this shift has major implications. It means that the “new normal” includes educated, capable young women. The “new normal” is also dominated by unmarried young adults. And it encompasses young men who are not as “launched” as we may expect. The challenge for churches, in particular, is that they are not as effective in working with unmarried adults as they are with conventional married-plus-kids families. Why is that?
The failure to launch is more than the plotline of a Matthew McConaughey movie. There are substantial demographic changes underway.
What do you think? How can we prepare our churches, communities and workplaces for the “new demographic normal?”
i agree with this article the fact that a high percentage of americans dont uphold the family in its right position has led to a generation of confused and unstable young people with no absolutes in there lives. “Growing up” is not a good excuse because that is a physical thing and it occurs and completes around 18 or at most 20. Growing up mentally is a decision! with the exception of those that have handicaps. one that pursues life in Christ and lives by the order of the bible it says “he that findeth a wife its a good thing” and for “young women to marry young”. The reason Paul was not married was for the cause of the gospel and his willingness to be spent up for the that cause and if you look at the intensity of the persacution they were facing wives along with husbands were be murdered for the cause of Christ. I promise Paul did’t choose not to be married because he wanted to pursue a career or because he wanted life of independence to be some self -made man.
One thing we might consider is that being unmarried may NOT be a “Failure to Launch.” Paul himself recommended people NOT get married, and he evidently didn’t think of this as a failure on their part. Why do we think it is?
It seems to me that the church has a big decision to make. Will we reach these men and women with a culturally relevant message, or will we tend to business as usual? These folks are looking for a place to belong in which they can make a difference. I pray the church will find a way to get them united in Christ. If we do, look out world!
The interesting question, of course, is “Why?” Speaking as a man who fits this description, I can only tell you what matters to me — not ending up divorced and attempting to get established financially after a tough time in the employment arena. To simply say it’s because we’re “digital” and “like video games” is incorrect.
I’m not married because I don’t have the means to support someone else and, more than that, I haven’t met the right person. Being a child of divorce changes your perspective and, assuming the statistics on decreasing numbers of lasting marriages are correct, there’s wisdom in making the right decision the first time. To say I’m “delaying adulthood” just because my life doesn’t look the same as my parents is misguided.
Speaking from a parent’s point of view, I’ll bet your parents are so proud of you! Especially since wisdom is a rare commodity in any generation…
The reason for the gap in the church’s effectiveness with unmarried adults is it requires a substantial amount of work, compared to a married couple with children. In essence, unmarried adults seek investment, engagement and community all in one. Which in turn, results in unmarried adults seeking those attributes elsewhere.
In general, the church has a difficult time finding ministries, bible studies for unmarried, young adults. The church must be intentional in find ways to minister to unmarried adults. Families are not bad, they just receive the bulk of the attention from most churches. This growing demographic of unmarried adults may change it, who knows….
I wish more people understood that choosing to remain single and extending adolescence or ‘refusing to grow up’ aren’t the same thing.
And perhaps we should be equally concerned about the number of people extending adolescence and ‘refusing to grow up’ YET are rushing into marriage and parenthood. I see so many undereducated and underemployed 25-year-old ‘kids’ around my church married to other undereducated and underemployed 25-year-old ‘kids’ raising their own kids that it’s scary. Yet many of us celebrate it because it aligns with ‘family values’ and is ‘the right thing to do.’
Thank you for mentioning this! I agree, the crisis of refusing to grow up and choosing to remain single are not the same thing, though they may be related in some way. I agree that we should be equally concerned with extended adolescence and it’s impact on young families. In times of uncertainty, we often react out of fear. How will the church react to these changes? Will we fuel the anxiety that is already overwhelming society, or will we be beacons of hope in the midst of swirling change?
Personally, I’m more concerned with trying to change or affect this new demographic rather than preparing the church for the new normal. I want to discuss why the trend is occuring and the implications it will have on the church and our society as a whole.
It appears to us that if you only offer the Children’s ministry as a place for young ladies to serve in church, you often will lose them.